Today I want to talk about a serious badass that gets so little attention its a shame: John Stark. I know this is long, but it’s such an awesome story that I really couldn’t make it any shorter. Obviously I fill in my own interpretation of how the events unfolded, but it’s 97.6% fact…
Ass kicker from the beginning
The first story that makes it into the history books about John Stark happened when he was 24 years old. John and his buddies were on a hunting trip in some Indian lands and the Abenaki warriors got pissed about white guys killing on their lands, so they attacked. John basically sacrifices himself, saving his brother, and gets captured with another guy. The Indians are pissed, so they make John and his friend run the gauntlet. I don’t mean the figurative gauntlet, I mean the real life, run between dudes with bats and shit and try and live to the end stuff of horror movies gauntlet. John wasn’t having any of their bullshit.
He ran up to the first guy, took the fucking bat from his hands and started beating the crap out of this Abenaki warrior. Before anyone even knew what was happening, the Abenaki chief was like, “hold up this dude is a BAMF!” He made John Stark an honorary member of the tribe.
Rogers’ Rangers
I expect anyone with a Ranger Tab has heard of Rogers’ Rangers. These were the sickest bunch of dudes in the era of musket warfare. They pretty much invented the raid and were equally deadly in swamps as they were in snowy mountains. Rogers’ merry band of misfits inflicted terror in the hearts of the French in the 1700’s. When everyone else was walking in massive easy target formations, Rogers’ group was using cover and concealment and killing the enemy in droves. John Stark was a Lieutenant with this group where he learned that there’s no such thing as a dirty fight, only those you win or lose.
It was St.Patty’s day 1757 at Fort William Henry. The mostly Irish troops stationed there decided to get totally blasted as the Irish typically do on this particular holiday. Stark however, knew he was at war and didn’t let his men drink, which probably pissed a lot of dudes off. It was almost as if Stark was in the heads of the French because they attacked once they figured everyone in the fort would be good and wasted. While everyone else was stumbling over their own dicks and puking in the corner, Stark’s men were steely eyed, ready, and better trained than the attacking force. They kicked ass, defended the fort, and sent the French packing, tail tucked between their legs.
Once the war was over, John got the 1750’s version of a DD-214 and went home to get married and make a bunch of babies.
American Revolution
In April 1775, the famous battles of Lexington and Concord took place. When the news made it to New Hampshire, Stark was like “fuck it, let’s do this” and put on his uniform, hopped on his horse and headed towards the fight (I bet his wife was pissed BTW). He only stopped to tell the rest of the militia members to get their shit and join him, leaving notes on the doors of the guys that weren’t there because he wasn’t about to wait.
Stark immediately marched into the heart of the war in Boston to help the rebels at Bunker Hill. When he showed up the Americans were digging in when one of the positions started to get hit by naval artillery. Led by a new 2LT no doubt, a unit had set up on Breed’s hill within range of the British guns.
John Stark asked where he should set up, but General Prescott was like, “dude, I don’t know, wherever you think is best.” He also asked who was in command of the British forces and when he found out it was Howe, he knew exactly what to do. Stark and Howe had been junior officers together in the French and Indian war.
So Stark goes all Nostradamus like he did with the French and picks the exact place that the Brits are going to attack. He knew Howe would try the flank, and spotted the best position. He has his men put up some some obstacles and a hasty defense, and walks out and places a stake in the sand of the beach.
It wasn’t long before Howe lands and his men begin to advance. As the first line of British reach the stake in the sand, out of nowhere, the New Hampshire Militia pop out from behind cover, with the British no more than 50 feet away, and fire in unison, decimating the line. The second line of British troops, knowing how long it takes to reload a musket (particularly untrained militia), hop over the bodies of their buddies and double time it towards the rebel position. Stark had anticipated this and had set up a second line of men who didn’t fire at the first and unloaded on the second group, slaughtering them too. Then a third line came charging, faster, but there was a third line of rebels, who send a third volley ripping through the British regulars. Finally the charge came from the King’s guard, tripping over bodies, these highly trained troops certainly didn’t expect the first group to already be loaded when they stood up from behind their cover and sent a fourth, morale crippling death blast to the face. In just a few seconds, over 90 British soldiers lay dead in the sand and their brothers broke rank and retreated.
Howe found another place to land where Stark wasn’t, and basically charged up the Hill dead on against Prescott in a head-on frontal attack. He eventually succeeded in overwhelming the defenses at Bunker Hill. Stark wasn’t finished with them though. When Stark noticed that the Americans were going to retreat, he covered them in a tactical retreat bounding backwards breaking contact straight into the annals of the FM 7-8.
The British later commented that they couldn’t afford another costly victory like that, or the war would soon be over.
Trenton
You know that famous image of Washington crossing the Delaware river?
Well, John Stark was there for that one too. Washington made a winter crossing on Christmas day, took the British completely by surprise, and beat the shit out of them at Trenton. I had always remarked how out of character it was for Washington to do such a brazen act. Low on ammunition, out of food and water, men freezing to death and walking out on him, and he decides to attack? Let’s face it, Washington was a pretty stand up guy, but he really wasn’t a master general. Stark on the other hand…
You won’t find this in any history book, but I think that river crossing was Stark’s idea. Let’s face it: Washington was getting his ass kicked all up and down New England, then not long after John Stark shows up he gets some crazy idea to surprise the Brits and beats them in Trenton and Princeton? Yeah, seems like Stark to me.
Ticonderoga
John Stark fought for a while with Washington, then found out he wasn’t selected for General while on a recruiting mission in New Hampshire and a couple shit-bags had been promoted ahead of him instead. Since he wasn’t having any of the political bullshit, he decided he would stay in New Hampshire and told the rebel command that the next threat would come from Canada and he’d get back into the fight when that happened…and of course it did.
So the Rebel commander in Fort Ticonderoga ran out of supplies and had to bug out. British General John Burgoyne followed with his troops and sent some German Hessians ahead (about 800 of them). John Stark was like, “oh hell no dude” and dispatched his men to stop the advance.
There was a quick firefight in the morning and the Germans retreated into a fortified position and requested reinforcements. Stark decided to break their will and sent his troops to both flanks and attacked from the front. There was a heavy rain to mask troop movements, and by the time the Germans realized what was going on, they were already surrounded and getting pounded by musket fire.
Then more British reinforcements arrived.
Did seeing these fresh new soldiers deter John Stark? Fuck no. Stark saw this and yelled, “We’ll beat them before night or Molly Stark’s a widow!” Fuck Yes. They attacked harder and beat the shit out of those guys too…before dark.
Once the battle was over, more than 200 British were dead and about 700 wounded and captured (compared to less than 100 losses on Stark’s side). The British also didn’t get the supplies they were looking for, their morale was broken, their will was decimated; it was a crushing and brutal defeat.
Many called it the turning point in the revolutionary war. So basically, America exits because of this brilliant badass.
Once the war was over, and independence was won, all these rebel generals were vying for political positions. John Stark didn’t play that shit, so he went home and lived his life in private.
Oh, one more thing, he’s the guy who gave New Hampshire their motto:
“Live Free or Die. Death is not the worst of Evils.”
-LJF
Well interesting facts about a man I knew little about. Other than his abilities as a non-conventional soldier, his personal courage, his sharp strategic mind, and his share of good luck, what most impacts me about him is his integrity. He had a clear sense of what was right and wrong, and a complete commitment to doing what his conscience and values told him to do, independently of the consequences. In times when so many of our “leaders” are either paralyzed by their own cowardice, or go along with what the polls or the politically correct crowd say a man should do, he towers as a Titan, and he remains by his example and his life, as a constant reproach against the Benedict Arnolds of our time. Well done!