Author: Louis Fernandez

Finding Purpose with a DD214

It’s hard to describe the struggle of finding meaning and purpose to a civilian; this is something only a veteran will understand and appreciate.

Purpose in the military

I remember quite clearly the day I drove onto Fort Bragg, fresh out of Ranger School and ready to lead men into combat.  I arrived at the 504th HQ and immediately took on the monicker of the Devils in Baggy Pants, a name earned in WWII given to the brigade by a german soldier.  I wore a US Flag on one shoulder, and the All American unit patch on the other.  From my first day, I represented much more than just myself.  I belonged to an elite group of men with a rich history.

 

It was more than being a part of a group with history though, it was also the gravity of what I was doing.  I was fighting for my country, ready and willing to sacrifice everything for the greater good.  The spartans came home with their shields or on them, I was similarly coming home with my flag or under it.  Every formation, every training exercise, every action I took in uniform was about sharpening myself and my men so we could make the other poor bastard die for his country.

Then I got my DD214…

Both Chad and I have told you many times, and i’ve written about it in the book, to make sure to answer why you’re getting out (1, 2).  It’s because both of us understand how difficult it is to find a purpose greater than yourself when you’re not in anymore.  To a civilian, that might not seem like such a big deal, but to a veteran, nothing is more important.

You didn’t joint the military because you cared about yourself, you did it because you cared about something greater than yourself.  You were a cog, and for many that served with you, you were an integral part of their lives.  Now what?

I don’t live to earn money.  Money is a necessity to survive, but having it doesn’t really motivate me.  I would go through a lot more pain and suffering to earn a cloth tab than to earn a dollar.

I also don’t live to work for my employer.  I know, that’s like a taboo thing to say, but I’m not willing to die for my company, but I was and am still very willing to die for my former employer:  The United States of America.   There are very few things I wouldn’t do to protect the red, white and blue, there’s no way to replicate that in the civilian world.

So?  Now what?

First, if you have a good “why” maybe that is your purpose.  Maybe you need to get involved in helping veterans or doing something for your community.  Maybe you need to run for office, or maybe you need to volunteer at church.

What you’re missing is the selfless-sacrifice that formed the keystone of everything else you did.

For me, I volunteer at church, give tons to charity, run this blog, support vets, and I live for my family.  My motivation to kick ass at work and earn money is so that I can continue to fund the efforts that make up my new purpose…a purpose that is bigger than me.

What’s yours?

 

 

-LJF



A Psychologist’s Perspective

Today we welcome another contributor to CONUS Battle Drills: Spartan.  As a young man he joined the US Army and was an 82nd Airborne medic.  He left the military and got a doctorate in psychology then practiced as a naval officer for over 20 years before retiring.  He’s been in special operations and worked on several secret squirrel programs.  In order to protect his family, his patients, and his current job, his identity will remain a secret for now.

A Psychologist’s Turn

They will beat their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks (Isaiah 2:4)

…For I will turn their mourning into joy, and will comfort them and give them joy for their sorrow (Jeremiah 31:13).

While these verses refer to a time in the future when God will turn our sadness into joy and Peace will reign on earth, for many of us, as we transition out of the military, this can become our hope as well as our challenge.

As we leave the fellowship of the warriors and the sights and sounds of war begin to fade, we are faced with the new task of finding a new purpose, a new direction in a world that is much different and in which we don’t seem to fit in very well. We are left with our memories and our hurts, and for many, those are constant companions that will haunt our everyday, as one senior NCO dramatically confessed to me when he told me his fallen comrade would come to him in dreams to blame him for his death. Of course, he was not responsible for his death, but all the same he felt guilty; at the end, he had survived, while his friend had given the last “full measure of devotion”. However, he needed to punish himself because at least, that guilt kept him alive, authentic, and engaged.

Each one of us has a particular story, and we need to understand it, process it, own it, and then make it our motivation to propel us forward to make our lives and our journey worthwhile. Just as the last scene in Saving Private Ryan, when the now old soldier stands by the grave of the man who gave his life, so he could have his; in this moment, he believed he had lived a life that had been worth saving.

But the process is difficult for all, for some, even so much more. Once a hardened Delta Operator guy came into my office to discuss something “embarrassing”. As he sat in front of me he begins to tell me he is retiring from the military in a few weeks, after many years of service. He had been a boxer, a soldier, a veteran of multiple combat missions. He had seen great horror and suffering, and through all, he had been steadfast, loyal, courageous, and always did his duty. He had recently married, and together with his new bride, they were building a new business. Life was good, peaceful, and he felt happy and confident regarding his future.

Then, he tells me why he came to see me: “Doc the other day my wife and I were home and decided to have a quiet night watching a movie and being with each other. My wife chose a “chick movie” to watch and I didn’t care.” Then he paused and with great effort he continues-“Would you believe doc, that half way through this movie, I began to shed tears, and my wife turned to me and said What’s wrong honey?” There was the perennial tough guy, proven in battle, now crying to a chick movie, in front of his new bride!

We discussed his story in detail. We understood that through the years of service, he needed to keep his emotions under control in order to do his job; he needed to do this for himself and for the others that depended on him. Now, as he was transitioning to a new life, and this control was no longer necessary, he was allowing himself to feel those emotions; that was an important part of his own healing. I suggested that for a time, he would probably be more emotional than usual, but eventually he would feel better. I also encouraged him to follow up in psychotherapy to work out the kinks. Last I heard from him was three days before I left SOUTHCOM. He wanted me to know he was doing well, he was happy with his life, back to himself and he had fired his Psychologist (that is another story).

While we all may have different needs and challenges, these two tasks are necessary: we must find new meanings and new projects and we need to heal our hurts. We can’t live stuck in the past, chained to our present, and fearful of the future. There is no shame in admitting to our need for help; we owe this to ourselves, and to those with whom we share our lives.  This is now our new mission.

Spartan

 




Will Your Marriage Survive?

I want to ask you a question about your marriage.  Obviously I will not know the answer unless you chose to tell me, but I want you to really take a moment and answer the question before you read on:

Why did you get Married?

Now are any of your answers like the ones below?

  1. She made me laugh
  2. She had a wonderful personality
  3. I couldn’t stop looking at her
  4. She complimented me well
  5. I wanted a family and I knew she would make a great mom
  6. She had the same interests as me

Maybe your answer wasn’t on the list above, but did it describe a way that SHE made YOU happy?

Look at my made up list.  The common theme there is that every one of those reasons are something that she does for me.  What happens when one of those things go away?  Do your reasons for marriage collapse now?

How many of you have gotten a wandering eye when your partner stopped pleasing you?  It was all her fault right?

Is your viewpoint that your marriage is supposed to SERVE you?

Let me put this in a way that anyone that has spent more than 5 minutes in the military can understand:

There are two types of leadership perspectives in the military.  One that places the soldiers first.  This leader understands that it is his duty to train, equip, and protect his soldiers.  He sees his position as one of service to his men.  He eats after they do, sleeps after they do, and isn’t afraid to do the terrible jobs alongside his men.  For his service, they will literally follow him into hell with smiles on their faces.  His leadership will create a cohesive team where the bonds of brotherhood will never be broken.

Then there is the asshole who sees a leadership position as an opportunity to advance his own career.  This fuckstick will do as little as possible when his superiors aren’t present.  His goal is to use the leadership position for his own aggrandizement.  The team becomes fractured and his men will never fully trust him.

So let me ask, what kind of leader are you in your marriage?

Let that sink in for a moment buddy, are you serving your family, or are you expecting them to serve you?

So you decide, what kind of husband are you going to be?



Life after the military can be tough, don’t make it tougher by not being prepared.  Get CONUS Battle Drills today!

What is an E6 Pay worth really?

Here at CONUS Battle Drills I keep telling you about the Big Four Questions every veteran absolutely must answer before getting out.  Despite Chad’s very eloquent and convincing reasoning for asking “Why” first, I maintain that if you are not financially ready, or don’t understand the financial ramifications of your decision, it doesn’t matter if you have the best reason in the world; you can’t get out yet.

So what is your pay actually worth?

I asked an E6 friend of mine to send me an LES so I could show what the equivalent pay would be in the civilian world.  I did some analysis to make the take home bi-weekly pay as close as I could get them while still being a near apples to apples comparison.  In the civilian world, you have to pay for healthcare and retirement, so I included those in the civilian column, but only the dental in the military column.

Here is how it shakes out:

pay comparison

So this E6 is making the equivalent of almost $7,500 a month even though his base pay is only $3,719!

Here is the mistake that I made when I got out: I thought a “comparable” salary meant making the same as my base pay and I was WAY wrong about that.  For some reason, I didn’t take into account the additional expenses in health care and retirement and the loss of BAH, that’s why I’m telling you about it now.

BAH and BAS are also not taxed, which means that even the tax burden for the civilian is higher because he’s in a much higher bracket. Some of these numbers can change depending on the number of tax deductions, the state that you live in, your election of 401k, how much your health care costs, etc. but the point remains:  Your base pay is not representative of your take home pay.

There are, however, some major considerations you need to take into account…

Just because you would need to make nearly double in the civilian world to have a similar take-home pay, does not mean that’s how much you’re worth.

Sorry to tell you this, but you’re probably going to start off making similar to your base pay because that’s what your skills will translate to in the civilian world, and for those of you in senior leader positions, expect less than your base pay (hopefully you can supplement with retirement).

I’ve told you before you need to make a budget, and in the book I discuss this in even more detail, and if you look above, you should notice why that’s even more critical when you get out.

Financial struggles are usually where troubles in marriages begin.  It’s the first snowball that can lead to so many other bad decisions.  For veterans, there are even more issues because you don’t even know what to expect from a paycheck, you’ve never paid for healthcare, and you’ve never HAD to save for retirement.

It’s not all bad news, ok, but I want you to be ready for what is coming.  I want you to fully understand the ramifications of your decision.  I want you to see all the cards on the table, that’s what CONUS Battle Drills is about.  The point is to prepare you so this transition isn’t a kick in the nuts.

-LJF

Share this post, it’s possible someone you know is about to get out and make a terrible financial decision.  Let’s look out for each other.