Sometimes being a father can be disgusting. The following story is not for the faint of heart…
Afghanistan 2005
During the first Afghan elections, someone had gotten upset that a local Mullah was supporting the elections and placed a bomb under his chair. When he sat down during the full service, the bomb exploded, killing him and injuring people in the full mosque. When we arrived with the EOD team, the chaos had mostly died down, but the elders were very distraught. They were afraid that there might be additional devices and asked us to clear the mosque and see what we could find. It was precarious not just because the mosque could still be booby-trapped, but also because American soldiers were entering a mosque and that was generally considered a faux pas.
Myself, SSG Carroll, SGT Harrell and a couple EOD guys made our way towards the front entrance. I noticed bits of burnt flesh stuck to the window as we checked the door. As soon as we entered the building, I was hit by the smell. Imagine everything inside of your body, blood, bile, piss, shit, even skin and hair all exposed and charred and left for hours. My eyes began to water and I could feel my stomach churning already.
I looked around the mostly empty room and could immediately identify where the bomb went off. The columns on my side were mostly empty, but on the other side were still splattered with blood and small bits of flesh. Little pieces of bone littered the carpet and we moved slowly around the room. None of us spoke, besides the random “fuck” or “shit”, I think because most of us were trying to keep from lurching right then and there.
Once our initial pass was done, I approached the location of the blast and I felt a squish under my feet. I looked down and the carpet was so saturated with blood that it began to pool at the edge of my boot. I could tell by the aftermath that although his body had been blown to bits, a large chunk slammed into the column and blood poured out right where I was standing. Some poor soul had to drag what was left of him out.
I looked up in my disgust as the EOD approached the blast site. “You good?” I managed to utter without vomiting, he looked at me and nodded and I started towards the door to get out. Carroll and I made eye contact and I nodded towards the door as the both of us walked quickly to the exit. As soon as the door opened, Carroll looked at me and said, “That fucking sme…” he couldn’t finish the sentence before dry heaving. I felt my own stomach bubble as I watched him, “not in front of the mosque dude!” We both quickly ran down the steps into the courtyard to catch our breath.
CONUS Present day
The baby had something in his mouth as he sat in the tub. I didn’t notice it when I put him in there, but when I stuck the toothbrush in there, something came out with it and as I looked at his little face, I noticed something odd. “Are you chewing on something Ben?” He looked up at me and smiled while keeping his lips together. It forced his cheeks full…that’s when I knew. He wouldn’t let me in there, so I held his nose and when his mouth opened I went in and began fishing out this white gooey substance. It seemed like it kept coming forever. Jonathan saw me doing it and almost barfed right there in the bathtub. I had a vision of fishing puke out of a tub full of toys, and i’ve already had to do it with a turd, didn’t really want to do it with puke. “Look away Jonathan!” He turned and dry heaved in the corner as I finished clearing his baby brother’s mouth, who was now in full wailing mode. Turns out Mom gave him a baby-bell before bath.
——-
I was walking down the hallway when I felt something under my toe. I looked down and picked it up with my bare hands without even thinking about it. As I held this object I was able to examine it much more closely. It was a dark brown, almost black squishy ball. It was a bit moist, and oozed some juice as I squished it. My wife turned and looked at me as I held it. The concern in her eyes told me that she was having the same thought I was, “Is this shit?” There was only one way to find out for sure. I brought the small ball to my face and gave it a sniff.
…
whew…a cocoa puff.
Look, you can be an absent dad, making your wife take care of everything, but she will begin to resent you, the kids won’t know and trust you, and even though you’ll miss out on things like fishing out a turd from the tub, you’ll also miss out on all the wonderful things that come with being a dad.
There is no greater joy in this world than having one of your kids want to share their lives with you. Unless you make the sacrifices…the sometimes disgusting sacrifices…you’ll miss out on life’s greatest reward.
-LJF