The Dark Night of the Soul- Part 1

This is the first part of two-part postings on suicide. The first part deals with a general introduction to the problem and the concept of risk and protective factors. The second part will address more intrapersonal, individual factors and possible options to find hope and relief. However, it is important to keep in mind this is a very complex subject that resists any attempt to quick fixes or easy solutions. We humbly approach this deadly subject with hopes at understanding it better and hopefully finding possible solutions.

The man in front of me was looking distressed and his words were coming out with great difficulty. He was a platoon SGT, with multiple combat deployments, and currently having problems with chronic pain, poor sleep, and depression. As we discussed his background and his military experience, something seemed not right. As we progressed in our interview, I asked him if something had occurred recently. He looked up to me and said, “Yesterday I found out one of my guys from my platoon in Afghanistan committed suicide, he was like a son to me”

For those of us in the military, these are sadly, common occurrences. We all know somebody or know of somebody, who has taken his life. The news is devastating. These men have been in combat, shared great dangers and adversities, and through it all, they survived and came home only to end their lives at their own hands.  We feel sad, powerless, angry, and we ask ourselves why?

It may be surprising to some, but there was a time in the past that suicide in the military was much lower (20% and more in some cases) than in the civilian population; in fact, being in the military used to be a protective factor. However, all of that began to change around 2004, and suicide rates have continued to rise and maintain at levels much higher that our civilians counterparts. By 2012, when we were still significantly involved in combat operations, more soldiers died by suicide than those killed in action, a very sobering fact. It does not take a genius to see that the rise in suicide rates corresponded to the onset of the Iraq and Afghanistan wars our longest wars to date. Yet, the statistical link between deployments and suicide is at best weak or non-existent, a fact that adds complexity to this issue.

There are hundreds of studies and millions of dollars spent in trying to find a solution, or even an understanding to this perplexing problem. One factor however, which seems significant is that suicide rates are much higher for those who separate early from the military or separate under less than honorable conditions. This fact alone, underlines the importance of transition issues, of losing connection with our brothers in arms, and of finding oneself lost in a world we do not seem to fit in very well and we do not seem to be well equipped to survive and thrive.

A significant line of research, mostly based on statistical and epidemiological studies of suicide populations, focuses on risk and protective factors; that is, what are the factors or elements that render a person more vulnerable or likely to commit suicide versus the factors that tend to protect the person from it. While this research is helpful and promising in many respects, if fails in two fundamental aspects. The first one is clearly linked to the weakness of correlational studies; that an association exist between to variables, does not implies causation, it only suggests a relationship ( that a rooster crows at sunrise does not mean that the sun makes the rooster crows).  The second one is similar, that while a set of factors may predict a likely behavior from a member of a given population, it can’t never predict the behavior of a specific member of that population. For example, risk factors may tell us that soldiers who display those factors have a higher likelihood to hurt themselves, but it cannot tell us that a specific soldier, SGT Smith will do so.

Nevertheless, risk and protective factors are place to start in helping us think more concretely about suicide and in ways to prevent it from occurring.  Here is a short list of those factors.

Risk and Protective Factors

 

Risk Factors    Protective  Factors
 

Mental disorders

Prior history of suicidal behavior

Personality Disorders

Personality Traits (anger, impulsivity)

Hopelessness

Substance Use

Stressful life events (loss of job, partner)

Lack of Social Support

Single/divorced

Cognitive Problems

Chronic illnesses (Pain, TBI, etc)

Demographics (white, male )

Access to lethal means

Family history of mental illness

History of childhood abuse/neglect

 

 Social Support

Being Married

Religious affiliation

Character strengths

Life Satisfaction

Positive mood

Hope

Self-esteem

Meaning and purpose

Coping ability

Adaptability

Meaningfully employed.

Life goals

 

A quick look at this list may suggest some possible ways to minimize risk. Some factors are of course, impervious to change; we can’t alter our race and gender neither can we alter our lives’ histories. Who we are biologically, and what has happened to us, is determined and unchangeable. On the other hand, there are many factors we can change or modify which may enhance and enrich our lives and in doing so, protect us from self-destruction. Maintaining a sense of connection and belongings, fostering primary relationships, returning or coming to Faith, seeking professional help, taking care of our basic needs (employment, housing, etc) and developing life goals and purpose may be a place to start. There are no easy solutions, and even those actions we could take may not be completely under out control. Even our willingness, disposition and desire may be lacking. However, it is not the size of the problem, but the strength of our character that will carry the day; we need to believe that and commit ourselves to that ideal.

SPARTAN

 

 


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American Badass: John Stark

Today I want to talk about a serious badass that gets so little attention its a shame:  John Stark.  I know this is long, but it’s such an awesome story that I really couldn’t make it any shorter.  Obviously I fill in my own interpretation of how the events unfolded, but it’s 97.6% fact…

Ass kicker from the beginning

The first story that makes it into the history books about John Stark happened when he was 24 years old.  John and his buddies were on a hunting trip in some Indian lands and the Abenaki warriors got pissed about white guys killing on their lands, so they attacked.  John basically sacrifices himself, saving his brother, and gets captured with another guy.  The Indians are pissed, so they make John and his friend run the gauntlet.  I don’t mean the figurative gauntlet, I mean the real life, run between dudes with bats and shit and try and live to the end stuff of horror movies gauntlet.  John wasn’t having any of their bullshit.

He ran up to the first guy, took the fucking bat from his hands and started beating the crap out of this Abenaki warrior.  Before anyone even knew what was happening, the Abenaki chief was like, “hold up this dude is a BAMF!”  He made John Stark an honorary member of the tribe.

Rogers’ Rangers

I expect anyone with a Ranger Tab has heard of Rogers’ Rangers.  These were the sickest bunch of dudes in the era of musket warfare.  They pretty much invented the raid and were equally deadly in swamps as they were in snowy mountains.  Rogers’ merry band of misfits inflicted terror in the hearts of the French in the 1700’s.  When everyone else was walking in massive easy target formations, Rogers’ group was using cover and concealment and killing the enemy in droves.  John Stark was a Lieutenant with this group where he learned that there’s no such thing as a dirty fight, only those you win or lose.

It was St.Patty’s day 1757 at Fort William Henry.  The mostly Irish troops stationed there decided to get totally blasted as the Irish typically do on this particular holiday.  Stark however, knew he was at war and didn’t let his men drink, which probably pissed a lot of dudes off.  It was almost as if Stark was in the heads of the French because they attacked once they figured everyone in the fort would be good and wasted.  While everyone else was stumbling over their own dicks and puking in the corner, Stark’s men were steely eyed, ready, and better trained than the attacking force.  They kicked ass, defended the fort, and sent the French packing, tail tucked between their legs.

Once the war was over, John got the 1750’s version of a DD-214 and went home to get married and make a bunch of babies.

American Revolution

In April 1775, the famous battles of Lexington and Concord took place. When the news made it to New Hampshire, Stark was like “fuck it, let’s do this” and put on his uniform, hopped on his horse and headed towards the fight (I bet his wife was pissed BTW).  He only stopped to tell the rest of the militia members to get their shit and join him, leaving notes on the doors of the guys that weren’t there because he wasn’t about to wait.

Stark immediately marched into the heart of the war in Boston to help the rebels at Bunker Hill.  When he showed up the Americans were digging in when one of the positions started to get hit by naval artillery.  Led by a new 2LT no doubt, a unit had set up on Breed’s hill within range of the British guns.

John Stark asked where he should set up, but General Prescott was like, “dude, I don’t know, wherever you think is best.”  He also asked who was in command of the British forces and when he found out it was Howe, he knew exactly what to do.  Stark and Howe had been junior officers together in the French and Indian war.

So Stark goes all Nostradamus like he did with the French and picks the exact place that the Brits are going to attack. He knew Howe would try the flank, and spotted the best position.  He has his men put up some some obstacles and a hasty defense, and walks out and places a stake in the sand of the beach.

It wasn’t long before Howe lands and his men begin to advance.  As the first line of British reach the stake in the sand,  out of nowhere, the New Hampshire Militia pop out from behind cover, with the British no more than 50 feet away, and fire in unison, decimating the line.  The second line of British troops, knowing how long it takes to reload a musket (particularly untrained militia), hop over the bodies of their buddies and double time it towards the rebel position.  Stark had anticipated this and had set up a second line of men who didn’t fire at the first and unloaded on the second group, slaughtering them too.  Then a third line came charging, faster, but there was a third line of rebels, who send a third volley ripping through the British regulars.  Finally the charge came from the King’s guard, tripping over bodies, these highly trained troops certainly didn’t expect the first group to already be loaded when they stood up from behind their cover and sent a fourth, morale crippling death blast to the face.  In just a few seconds, over 90 British soldiers lay dead in the sand and their brothers broke rank and retreated.

Howe found another place to land where Stark wasn’t, and basically charged up the Hill dead on against Prescott in a head-on frontal attack.  He eventually succeeded in  overwhelming the defenses at Bunker Hill.  Stark wasn’t finished with them though.  When Stark noticed that the Americans were going to retreat, he covered them in a tactical retreat bounding backwards breaking contact straight into the annals of the FM 7-8.

The British later commented that they couldn’t afford another costly victory like that, or the war would soon be over.

Trenton

You know that famous image of Washington crossing the Delaware river?

Well, John Stark was there for that one too.  Washington made a winter crossing on Christmas day, took the British completely by surprise, and beat the shit out of them at Trenton.  I had always remarked how out of character it was for Washington to do such a brazen act.  Low on ammunition, out of food and water, men freezing to death and walking out on him, and he decides to attack?  Let’s face it, Washington was a pretty stand up guy, but he really wasn’t a master general.  Stark on the other hand…

You won’t find this in any history book, but I think that river crossing was Stark’s idea.  Let’s face it: Washington was getting his ass kicked all up and down New England, then not long after John Stark shows up he gets some crazy idea to surprise the Brits and beats them in Trenton and Princeton?  Yeah, seems like Stark to me.

Ticonderoga

John Stark fought for a while with Washington, then found out he wasn’t selected for General while on a recruiting mission in New Hampshire and a couple shit-bags had been promoted ahead of him instead.  Since he wasn’t having any of the political bullshit, he decided he would stay in New Hampshire and told the rebel command that the next threat would come from Canada and he’d get back into the fight when that happened…and of course it did.

So the Rebel commander in Fort Ticonderoga ran out of supplies and had to bug out.  British General John Burgoyne followed with his troops and sent some German Hessians ahead (about 800 of them).  John Stark was like, “oh hell no dude” and dispatched his men to stop the advance.

There was a quick firefight in the morning and the Germans retreated into a fortified position and requested reinforcements.  Stark decided to break their will and sent his troops to both flanks and attacked from the front.  There was a heavy rain to mask troop movements, and by the time the Germans realized what was going on, they were already surrounded and getting pounded by musket fire.

Then more British reinforcements arrived.

Did seeing these fresh new soldiers deter John Stark?  Fuck no.  Stark saw this and yelled, “We’ll beat them before night or Molly Stark’s a widow!”  Fuck Yes.  They attacked harder and beat the shit out of those guys too…before dark.

Once the battle was over, more than 200 British were dead and about 700 wounded and captured (compared to less than 100 losses on Stark’s side).  The British also didn’t get the supplies they were looking for, their morale was broken, their will was decimated; it was a crushing and brutal defeat.

Many called it the turning point in the revolutionary war.  So basically, America exits because of this brilliant badass.

Once the war was over, and independence was won, all these rebel generals were vying for political positions.  John Stark didn’t play that shit, so he went home and lived his life in private.

Oh, one more thing, he’s the guy who gave New Hampshire their motto:

“Live Free or Die.  Death is not the worst of Evils.”

 

-LJF

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What it’s REALLY like to ETS

Alright, if you’re still in uniform, then maybe you have some fantasies about what it’s going to be like when you ETS, i’m about to tell you the real God honest truth…

Step 1

If you are retiring, step 1 does not apply:

It all starts when you make the decision to get out and you inform your command.  You’re resolute, but they want to shake you, so all of a sudden everyone in your chain of command wants to be your best friend and sit down for a chat.    You also can’t refuse because they promise they won’t sign shit until you’ve sat down with all of them.  So begrudgingly you sit down and listen to all the reasons why getting out is a bad decision.

Step 2

It’s time to clear!  Now these motherfuckers get their revenge.  You want out?  You’re going to have to pass the mother of all obstacle courses, travel to thirty different locations in search of coveted stamps.  But you must get there while they’re open, still make it to formation, train your replacement, clean your gear, and be there to help your family move.  Good luck.

 

Step 3

Freedom!  Oh man, let me tell you, there are very few things that feel better in this world than the last time you drive off post clutching that stamped DD214.  It’s really hard to describe.  You remember how it felt when you started block leave after a deployment and the first sip of beer hit your lips?  That’s nothing compared to this.  I laughed for hours with a smile firmly affixed to my face.

 

Step 4

Starting your new life!  It’s time for a new and exciting career!  You’re elated to get on with life now that you have officially ETS’d.  The work feels easy in comparison to what you have been doing.  No need to get up at 5am, no uniforms, no duty, no weekend formations, no safety briefs, and no deployments.  You sleep in your bed every night and when you walk out of the office, work is left there.

Step 5

Then it happens…the monotony of daily life hits.  You’ve gotten fat because you haven’t been working out, so you have to get up at 5am to go workout at the gym.  Then you go into the office, sit in a cubicle and listen to people complain about their tedious jobs.  As you work your way through powerpoint, you imagine jumping from a plane, assaulting an objective, firing your weapon.  You remember the smell of the firing range and the pulse in your chest from explosions. You think about your buddies, usually the ones that didn’t make it home first, then the ones you don’t talk to nearly enough anymore.  Then it hits you, you can’t believe it, you miss the damn military…fuck.

Step 6

You have finally made peace.  You found a place in the world, an outlet for your energy, a source for your adrenaline cravings.  You’ve been promoted enough times at work that you’re making decisions now and affecting change.  You have reconnected with old buddies and even made some new ones.  You fill your days with stories of what once was, and think of new and unique ways to get in trouble.  Although you’re body is tired, your mind is strong and so you drive on.  You live for your family and find joy in serving someone or something.  Life is good again, and you miss the military…less.

 

-LJF

 

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What it’s like to be Wealthy

I don’t generally follow the lives of celebrities, but the death of Prince has flooded my Facebook news feed, and as I read through articles about his life and untimely death, I actually felt sorry for him.  These celebrities are surrounded by vultures and parasites masquerading as friends. They fill their mansions with strange acquaintances and try to satiate the void in their lives with sex and drugs to no avail.  Saturday night, as I laid on my couch, I had an epiphany:  I am a very wealthy man.

I woke up Saturday with a daunting task.  We recently moved to be closer to my work, and we have a large storage unit that had to be emptied.  I rented a 16′ Budget truck and drove 50 miles to the storage.  On my way I got a call from a friend who recently returned from deployment.  We talked for almost the entire drive, about his deployment, our kids, and even about CONUS Battle Drills.

When I got to the storage unit, I posted a pic on Facebook and asked if anyone in the Fort Bragg area could come and help.  Within 3 minutes of the post, and old college buddy of mine asked for the address and drove 30 minutes out of his way to help.  A few hours later when we had the van loaded up, he volunteered to drive 90 minutes out of his way to help me unload as well.  When we were done, we sat in my garage and drank a beer to celebrate the task being complete.

Not long after that, I messaged a buddy of mine from Iraq.  He’s going through a tough divorce and I wanted to check up on him.  My heart broke for him and everything he’s going through.  I said a prayer and returned the rental truck.

It was right around dinner time when I got a phone call from my first platoon sergeant back when I was a cherry 2LT in the 82nd Airborne.  He wanted to tell me that he was going to be a Command Sergeant Major for the 10th mountain!  My whole family celebrated with him over the phone.

After dinner I laid on the couch while my three kids piled on top of me to watch some cartoons before their bath time.  It was there, in one of the most precious of moments holding my kids, that I realized just how wealthy I really am.

I don’t own a multi-million dollar mansion.  I don’t have an expensive car.  I don’t own a yacht, and I live on a budget.  I don’t have a lot of “stuff”, but I am incredibly wealthy.

I am friends with some of the greatest men this country has ever produced.  Warriors, real heroes, men whom books are written about, and they call me to celebrate and mourn?  I am undeserving of such an honor.  I am undeserving of so many blessings God has chosen to bestow upon me, but I am ever so grateful to Him.

Are you living your life like a celebrity?  Moving from one shallow relationship to another, filling your life with strip clubs and alcohol?  Because let me tell you something, if you have served this country, then you have walked among giants, and those men call you brother.  You have great wealth at your fingertips, if you’re ready to recognize it.

-LJF

Getting out of the military is hard!  Don’t make it harder on yourself by not being prepared!  Buy CONUS Battle Drills:  A Guide for Combat Veterans to Corporate Life, Parenthood, and Caging the Beast Inside!