Tag: christianity

The Power of Perspective

This is my friend Steve.  He’s one of my favorite people in the office:

steve

Steve is one of our test engineers here at John Deere, and an integral member of our team.  He is hardworking, honest, and always has a positive attitude.

I first met Steve about a year ago when I moved cross-country and started working in North Carolina.  We shared a corner of a large cubical farm and both of us being early risers meant that we generally had some time to chat each day before most people showed up to work. I looked forward to those morning conversations, learning about him and his interests, but most of all, I loved his perspective on life.

I remember the first time he told me about Muscular Dystrophy, it was in passing, and it seemed to me he was determined to not let a disease define who he was.  As the months went by, I noticed a wheelchair brought into our cubical and asked him about it.  It was there in case of an emergency evacuation; he can’t move as fast as others.  Then he said something that I doubt he even remembers, “I’m blessed that I still can…” and then went on to list a bunch of things that he still could do.

BLESSED?!

Here is a guy that has every reason to be angry at God and his response is faithfulness and thankfulness that he “still can”!  I thought it was amazing and inspiring, and it was an affirmation for me to continue to focus on my own blessings and stop zeroing in on every problem I have.  I needed to really consider my own perspective.

My Inspiration

Steve is no longer my cube mate, he had to move closer to the entry door to the factory, and just a few weeks ago I noticed he had a powered chair.  We spoke a bit and he opened up about some of the difficulty he was facing: how tired he was, how he couldn’t play with his beautiful daughter, and how this chair was changing all of that for him.  I found out that although the health insurance paid for the chair, they wouldn’t pay for the new, specially modified vehicle he had to buy to transport it.  When I expressed shock at that, he merely responded,  “It’s cool, I had this planned for a while.”

It’s cool?!

Here is a guy having to buy a car worth almost as much as a house due to his medical condition, getting no financial support to do so, and he can only talk about how it’s great that he was prepared and had enough income to take it on.

He told me another joke, we laughed for a bit, and I drove home.  On my drive I began to think of how I would deal with what Steve is going through right now, and realized that I have a lot to learn from him.  I also realized that I am wasting the blessing of good health.  If i was unable to run, I’d probably complain about it, even though I rarely do it now. So I got back into the gym the next day.

Perspective

I was on the elliptical one morning not long after my decision to work out more when it hit me that a healthy body wasn’t the only blessing that so many people take for granted.  We’re so preoccupied on having more, that we rarely stop to appreciate what we currently have.  Our homes, our familes, our cars, a full belly.  I’m not cold, wet, hungry, or tired.  I’m not getting shot at, and i’m sleeping in a comfy bed with air conditioning.  I have a comfortable pair of shoes and new clothes.  I shower every day and have furniture in my house.  I own several televisions, I have internet, a phone.  The list goes on.

I have seen and lived among people that pray every day to be exactly where I am right now; am I thankful enough?  Are you?

My friend is going through a tough time.  This is the card he has been dealt, but instead of wallowing, he is inspiring.  Instead of faltering, he is ever more faithful.  Instead of depression, he spreads an infectious smile.  I need to be more like Steve, and in the age of the victim, I think we ALL need to be more like Steve.

What’s your perspective?

-LJF

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The Dark Night of the Soul- Part 1

This is the first part of two-part postings on suicide. The first part deals with a general introduction to the problem and the concept of risk and protective factors. The second part will address more intrapersonal, individual factors and possible options to find hope and relief. However, it is important to keep in mind this is a very complex subject that resists any attempt to quick fixes or easy solutions. We humbly approach this deadly subject with hopes at understanding it better and hopefully finding possible solutions.

The man in front of me was looking distressed and his words were coming out with great difficulty. He was a platoon SGT, with multiple combat deployments, and currently having problems with chronic pain, poor sleep, and depression. As we discussed his background and his military experience, something seemed not right. As we progressed in our interview, I asked him if something had occurred recently. He looked up to me and said, “Yesterday I found out one of my guys from my platoon in Afghanistan committed suicide, he was like a son to me”

For those of us in the military, these are sadly, common occurrences. We all know somebody or know of somebody, who has taken his life. The news is devastating. These men have been in combat, shared great dangers and adversities, and through it all, they survived and came home only to end their lives at their own hands.  We feel sad, powerless, angry, and we ask ourselves why?

It may be surprising to some, but there was a time in the past that suicide in the military was much lower (20% and more in some cases) than in the civilian population; in fact, being in the military used to be a protective factor. However, all of that began to change around 2004, and suicide rates have continued to rise and maintain at levels much higher that our civilians counterparts. By 2012, when we were still significantly involved in combat operations, more soldiers died by suicide than those killed in action, a very sobering fact. It does not take a genius to see that the rise in suicide rates corresponded to the onset of the Iraq and Afghanistan wars our longest wars to date. Yet, the statistical link between deployments and suicide is at best weak or non-existent, a fact that adds complexity to this issue.

There are hundreds of studies and millions of dollars spent in trying to find a solution, or even an understanding to this perplexing problem. One factor however, which seems significant is that suicide rates are much higher for those who separate early from the military or separate under less than honorable conditions. This fact alone, underlines the importance of transition issues, of losing connection with our brothers in arms, and of finding oneself lost in a world we do not seem to fit in very well and we do not seem to be well equipped to survive and thrive.

A significant line of research, mostly based on statistical and epidemiological studies of suicide populations, focuses on risk and protective factors; that is, what are the factors or elements that render a person more vulnerable or likely to commit suicide versus the factors that tend to protect the person from it. While this research is helpful and promising in many respects, if fails in two fundamental aspects. The first one is clearly linked to the weakness of correlational studies; that an association exist between to variables, does not implies causation, it only suggests a relationship ( that a rooster crows at sunrise does not mean that the sun makes the rooster crows).  The second one is similar, that while a set of factors may predict a likely behavior from a member of a given population, it can’t never predict the behavior of a specific member of that population. For example, risk factors may tell us that soldiers who display those factors have a higher likelihood to hurt themselves, but it cannot tell us that a specific soldier, SGT Smith will do so.

Nevertheless, risk and protective factors are place to start in helping us think more concretely about suicide and in ways to prevent it from occurring.  Here is a short list of those factors.

Risk and Protective Factors

 

Risk Factors    Protective  Factors
 

Mental disorders

Prior history of suicidal behavior

Personality Disorders

Personality Traits (anger, impulsivity)

Hopelessness

Substance Use

Stressful life events (loss of job, partner)

Lack of Social Support

Single/divorced

Cognitive Problems

Chronic illnesses (Pain, TBI, etc)

Demographics (white, male )

Access to lethal means

Family history of mental illness

History of childhood abuse/neglect

 

 Social Support

Being Married

Religious affiliation

Character strengths

Life Satisfaction

Positive mood

Hope

Self-esteem

Meaning and purpose

Coping ability

Adaptability

Meaningfully employed.

Life goals

 

A quick look at this list may suggest some possible ways to minimize risk. Some factors are of course, impervious to change; we can’t alter our race and gender neither can we alter our lives’ histories. Who we are biologically, and what has happened to us, is determined and unchangeable. On the other hand, there are many factors we can change or modify which may enhance and enrich our lives and in doing so, protect us from self-destruction. Maintaining a sense of connection and belongings, fostering primary relationships, returning or coming to Faith, seeking professional help, taking care of our basic needs (employment, housing, etc) and developing life goals and purpose may be a place to start. There are no easy solutions, and even those actions we could take may not be completely under out control. Even our willingness, disposition and desire may be lacking. However, it is not the size of the problem, but the strength of our character that will carry the day; we need to believe that and commit ourselves to that ideal.

SPARTAN

 

 


Getting out of the military is hard!  Don’t make it harder on yourself by not being prepared!  Buy CONUS Battle Drills:  A Guide for Combat Veterans to Corporate Life, Parenthood, and Caging the Beast Inside!

How do you look at your wife?

“Look at how he looks at her,” I leaned over and whispered to my wife in the middle of the sermon.

Over the last few weeks the pastor at Manna Church in Fayetteville has been giving a sermon series with his wife.  Last week I noticed a look in his eye and for a few minutes as he was transfixed on her, I stopped listening to the message altogether.

I started to think about the times that I have seen men look at their wives this way.  Nearly every man at his wedding has the look, but to still see it after years is much rarer of an event.  I remember my neighbor Chris Duvall and how he looks at his wife Debbie, my old pastor Marty Schmidt and how he looks at Jenny, or how my Grandfather looks at my Grandmother, and now how Michael Fletcher looks at his wife Laura.

These men are smitten with their women.

What they have learned is that there are varying degrees of love, and what they feel is beyond the flesh.  We are all going to get old, and physical beauty is going to fade, and if that’s what you have anchored your relationship on, well, my heart goes out to your family and I will pray for you.

Look, I know some of you don’t believe in God, and maybe there are relationships out there that can achieve this level without Him, but i’ve never seen it.  I know that doesn’t mean it can’t happen, but if you want to make it work, if you want to stack the odds in your favor, then you should look to God.

I pray that one day, many years from now, I still look at my wife like these great men do!

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The Christian Soldier

Being a Christian and a soldier has its own particular set of difficulties.  Some may call you a hypocrite, and they would be right but for the wrong reasons.

You see, all of us Christians are necessarily hypocrites.  We proclaim loudly that no one should sin, yet we admit to doing it every day.  That truth holds for me as I suspect it holds for many of you, and therefore as a Christian, I am also a hypocrite.  Being a soldier, however, does not make me a hypocrite.  I can be a soldier and still live as Christ and God expect me to.

Even a cursory glance at the Bible shows that God does not punish the soldier.  Abraham conducts the first recorded night raid to rescue Lot, Saul had his thousands, David his tens of thousands.  Even in the New Testament, John doesn’t tell the repentant centurion that he must quit, and both Peter and Jesus commend Roman soldiers for their faith.

The military is very much the context under which my faith was born.  What started as a ruse to get communion bread in Ranger school resulted in my actually hearing the word of God.  Slowly I began my conversion.

Two groups that typically have larger percentages of religious belief are soldiers and the elderly.  Both groups have come to grips with their own mortality.  I realized this quickly after my first firefight when the whizz and crack of bullets all around me showed me that it was luck, or maybe grace, that one of them didn’t find me as its target.

I accepted that I was indeed going to die one day.  All of us know this intellectually, but to believe and embrace it is quite a different story.  Many people see their eventual death as they get older and their body begins to break down.  As an Infantryman I realized that it really could happen any day, not in an intellectual way, but I knew it…I felt it.

Not everyone is built to do this job.  Some hesitate in a door, some don’t fire, and some will suffer emotionally for years.  Then there are the warriors who move with no apprehension straight into the face of danger and inflict whatever violence is necessary to eradicate the threat.  I’ve come to believe that you need to be designed that way, that’s not something that can be trained or taught.

In my walk with Christ over the years I’ve met men that can preach sermons that bring you to tears, others that give me goose bumps when they pray, and other still that can make music that brings you right into the very presence of God.

Some of us were given a different skill, like Peter who didn’t hesitate to draw and cut off a Roman soldier’s ear when they tried to take Jesus, we shouldn’t hesitate when confronting evil.  Also like Peter, however, we should be willing and able to show mercy, empathy, grace, and love.

Although some evil requires action in the physical realm to eradicate, other types of evil live in man’s heart, and can only be reached with love.  One of the efforts of CONUS Battle Drills is to teach you how to quell that beast so you can find love, compassion and empathy and live it in your daily life.

Violence is a tool, but it shouldn’t be your only tool.  When you lean on Christ you will find many other tools to add to your arsenal and you will not only be able to fulfill your purpose as a warrior but also as a Christian.