Tag: ETS

What it’s REALLY like to ETS

Alright, if you’re still in uniform, then maybe you have some fantasies about what it’s going to be like when you ETS, i’m about to tell you the real God honest truth…

Step 1

If you are retiring, step 1 does not apply:

It all starts when you make the decision to get out and you inform your command.  You’re resolute, but they want to shake you, so all of a sudden everyone in your chain of command wants to be your best friend and sit down for a chat.    You also can’t refuse because they promise they won’t sign shit until you’ve sat down with all of them.  So begrudgingly you sit down and listen to all the reasons why getting out is a bad decision.

Step 2

It’s time to clear!  Now these motherfuckers get their revenge.  You want out?  You’re going to have to pass the mother of all obstacle courses, travel to thirty different locations in search of coveted stamps.  But you must get there while they’re open, still make it to formation, train your replacement, clean your gear, and be there to help your family move.  Good luck.

 

Step 3

Freedom!  Oh man, let me tell you, there are very few things that feel better in this world than the last time you drive off post clutching that stamped DD214.  It’s really hard to describe.  You remember how it felt when you started block leave after a deployment and the first sip of beer hit your lips?  That’s nothing compared to this.  I laughed for hours with a smile firmly affixed to my face.

 

Step 4

Starting your new life!  It’s time for a new and exciting career!  You’re elated to get on with life now that you have officially ETS’d.  The work feels easy in comparison to what you have been doing.  No need to get up at 5am, no uniforms, no duty, no weekend formations, no safety briefs, and no deployments.  You sleep in your bed every night and when you walk out of the office, work is left there.

Step 5

Then it happens…the monotony of daily life hits.  You’ve gotten fat because you haven’t been working out, so you have to get up at 5am to go workout at the gym.  Then you go into the office, sit in a cubicle and listen to people complain about their tedious jobs.  As you work your way through powerpoint, you imagine jumping from a plane, assaulting an objective, firing your weapon.  You remember the smell of the firing range and the pulse in your chest from explosions. You think about your buddies, usually the ones that didn’t make it home first, then the ones you don’t talk to nearly enough anymore.  Then it hits you, you can’t believe it, you miss the damn military…fuck.

Step 6

You have finally made peace.  You found a place in the world, an outlet for your energy, a source for your adrenaline cravings.  You’ve been promoted enough times at work that you’re making decisions now and affecting change.  You have reconnected with old buddies and even made some new ones.  You fill your days with stories of what once was, and think of new and unique ways to get in trouble.  Although you’re body is tired, your mind is strong and so you drive on.  You live for your family and find joy in serving someone or something.  Life is good again, and you miss the military…less.

 

-LJF

 

Getting out of the military is hard!  Don’t make it harder on yourself by not being prepared!  Buy CONUS Battle Drills:  A Guide for Combat Veterans to Corporate Life, Parenthood, and Caging the Beast Inside!

Why the headhunter won’t work with you

I can’t stress enough the importance of having a headhunter in order to get a job.  Unless you already know someone in the company you’re applying with, as much as they like to tell you otherwise, monster.com isn’t going to get you the job.  You have to get a headhunter, more on that here.

I spoke to a friend of mine, Eddie, that works as a headhunter for Lucas Group.  I’m not getting paid to say this, I just honestly believe they are the best firm out there. If you’re talking to someone else, I recommend you give Lucas Group a call, they’ll work with Officers and NCO’s alike, but there are some people they won’t work with.  So here’s an hour long conversation about a candidate they won’t work with given to you in 700 words…

“You must have the right attitude”

I’ve said this before, and I discuss it in great detail in the book, but you are starting a new career and you need to realize that.  Look, I don’t care if you were a Brigade Commander in the military, you don’t know anything about my business.  If you think that you’re better than my team because you wore a uniform, then you don’t belong on my team.

You need to come out of the military with some humility.  You can be proud of what you did, and you should be, but if that pride makes you look down on others that didn’t, then you’re going to have a tough time and i’m not going to hire you.  Tell me instead that you don’t have a problem starting at the bottom.  Say, “It’s an opportunity to learn about the business and I’m confident my skills will get me promoted quickly.”  Bam!  That’s what I want on my team!

 

The right combination of “shuns”

“You have to have the right combination of the 3 ‘shuns’: Location, compensation, occupation.  If you tell me ‘I want to be a program manager in west chicago and make $120k a year,’ I’m going to say ‘good luck.'”  

You need to have realistic expectations of what kind of job you can find when you get out.  There was a boot shop in Fort Bragg that had a sign that read, “we do 3 types of work: Good, fast, and cheap.  Pick any two.”  That saying is very similar to what you need to consider in your job hunt.

Location

“I can’t tell you how many times i’ve heard, ‘I need to stay in Dallas, my girlfriend is from there.’ Then I have to take my recruiter hat off and put on my life coach hat…”

Location is the 3rd question of the big 4 questions, go read more about that here.  Although there are occasionally good reasons to limit yourself geographically like a special needs child or a sick family member, generally you should consider a wider net.

Compensation

“I had a guy tell me, ‘well with BAH, Flight Pay, and Jump Pay i’m making about $130k a year, so I expect to make something commensurate to that.’ With a history degree? There’s no way.”

You need to be realistic about what you’re going to make.  That’s one of the reasons why finances are the 1st of the big 4 questions. You are going to take a pay cut, just wrap your mind around that.  Plan to live off your base pay and understand what that means to your budget.  This way, if you get a job higher than your base pay, you’ll have extra spending money.  Don’t worry, I have the utmost confidence that if you want it, you’ll be able to get promoted quickly above and beyond your peers. More on finances here and here.

Occupation

“I have guys tell me that they only want to do program manager jobs.  Dude, you don’t even know what’s out there and what you’re qualified for.”

The 4th big question is to understand what you want to do, and i’ve explicitly said “lead people” is an acceptable answer.  It is important for you to want to do something that you find interesting, but you should keep your mind open to possibilities that you might not have considered.

“If the alarm goes off in the morning and your feet don’t immediately hit the floor, you have a job not a career and there’s very little compensation or location that is going to make up for you being miserable 40, 50, or 60 hours a week.”

So basically if you’ve read the book or follow the blog, chances are you’re going to get a headhunter to work with you because you’re not going to make those mistakes right?  I’ll close with one final quote:

“The biggest obstacle in these guys’ career is themselves.”

-LJF




Finding Purpose with a DD214

It’s hard to describe the struggle of finding meaning and purpose to a civilian; this is something only a veteran will understand and appreciate.

Purpose in the military

I remember quite clearly the day I drove onto Fort Bragg, fresh out of Ranger School and ready to lead men into combat.  I arrived at the 504th HQ and immediately took on the monicker of the Devils in Baggy Pants, a name earned in WWII given to the brigade by a german soldier.  I wore a US Flag on one shoulder, and the All American unit patch on the other.  From my first day, I represented much more than just myself.  I belonged to an elite group of men with a rich history.

 

It was more than being a part of a group with history though, it was also the gravity of what I was doing.  I was fighting for my country, ready and willing to sacrifice everything for the greater good.  The spartans came home with their shields or on them, I was similarly coming home with my flag or under it.  Every formation, every training exercise, every action I took in uniform was about sharpening myself and my men so we could make the other poor bastard die for his country.

Then I got my DD214…

Both Chad and I have told you many times, and i’ve written about it in the book, to make sure to answer why you’re getting out (1, 2).  It’s because both of us understand how difficult it is to find a purpose greater than yourself when you’re not in anymore.  To a civilian, that might not seem like such a big deal, but to a veteran, nothing is more important.

You didn’t joint the military because you cared about yourself, you did it because you cared about something greater than yourself.  You were a cog, and for many that served with you, you were an integral part of their lives.  Now what?

I don’t live to earn money.  Money is a necessity to survive, but having it doesn’t really motivate me.  I would go through a lot more pain and suffering to earn a cloth tab than to earn a dollar.

I also don’t live to work for my employer.  I know, that’s like a taboo thing to say, but I’m not willing to die for my company, but I was and am still very willing to die for my former employer:  The United States of America.   There are very few things I wouldn’t do to protect the red, white and blue, there’s no way to replicate that in the civilian world.

So?  Now what?

First, if you have a good “why” maybe that is your purpose.  Maybe you need to get involved in helping veterans or doing something for your community.  Maybe you need to run for office, or maybe you need to volunteer at church.

What you’re missing is the selfless-sacrifice that formed the keystone of everything else you did.

For me, I volunteer at church, give tons to charity, run this blog, support vets, and I live for my family.  My motivation to kick ass at work and earn money is so that I can continue to fund the efforts that make up my new purpose…a purpose that is bigger than me.

What’s yours?

 

 

-LJF



A Psychologist’s Perspective

Today we welcome another contributor to CONUS Battle Drills: Spartan.  As a young man he joined the US Army and was an 82nd Airborne medic.  He left the military and got a doctorate in psychology then practiced as a naval officer for over 20 years before retiring.  He’s been in special operations and worked on several secret squirrel programs.  In order to protect his family, his patients, and his current job, his identity will remain a secret for now.

A Psychologist’s Turn

They will beat their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks (Isaiah 2:4)

…For I will turn their mourning into joy, and will comfort them and give them joy for their sorrow (Jeremiah 31:13).

While these verses refer to a time in the future when God will turn our sadness into joy and Peace will reign on earth, for many of us, as we transition out of the military, this can become our hope as well as our challenge.

As we leave the fellowship of the warriors and the sights and sounds of war begin to fade, we are faced with the new task of finding a new purpose, a new direction in a world that is much different and in which we don’t seem to fit in very well. We are left with our memories and our hurts, and for many, those are constant companions that will haunt our everyday, as one senior NCO dramatically confessed to me when he told me his fallen comrade would come to him in dreams to blame him for his death. Of course, he was not responsible for his death, but all the same he felt guilty; at the end, he had survived, while his friend had given the last “full measure of devotion”. However, he needed to punish himself because at least, that guilt kept him alive, authentic, and engaged.

Each one of us has a particular story, and we need to understand it, process it, own it, and then make it our motivation to propel us forward to make our lives and our journey worthwhile. Just as the last scene in Saving Private Ryan, when the now old soldier stands by the grave of the man who gave his life, so he could have his; in this moment, he believed he had lived a life that had been worth saving.

But the process is difficult for all, for some, even so much more. Once a hardened Delta Operator guy came into my office to discuss something “embarrassing”. As he sat in front of me he begins to tell me he is retiring from the military in a few weeks, after many years of service. He had been a boxer, a soldier, a veteran of multiple combat missions. He had seen great horror and suffering, and through all, he had been steadfast, loyal, courageous, and always did his duty. He had recently married, and together with his new bride, they were building a new business. Life was good, peaceful, and he felt happy and confident regarding his future.

Then, he tells me why he came to see me: “Doc the other day my wife and I were home and decided to have a quiet night watching a movie and being with each other. My wife chose a “chick movie” to watch and I didn’t care.” Then he paused and with great effort he continues-“Would you believe doc, that half way through this movie, I began to shed tears, and my wife turned to me and said What’s wrong honey?” There was the perennial tough guy, proven in battle, now crying to a chick movie, in front of his new bride!

We discussed his story in detail. We understood that through the years of service, he needed to keep his emotions under control in order to do his job; he needed to do this for himself and for the others that depended on him. Now, as he was transitioning to a new life, and this control was no longer necessary, he was allowing himself to feel those emotions; that was an important part of his own healing. I suggested that for a time, he would probably be more emotional than usual, but eventually he would feel better. I also encouraged him to follow up in psychotherapy to work out the kinks. Last I heard from him was three days before I left SOUTHCOM. He wanted me to know he was doing well, he was happy with his life, back to himself and he had fired his Psychologist (that is another story).

While we all may have different needs and challenges, these two tasks are necessary: we must find new meanings and new projects and we need to heal our hurts. We can’t live stuck in the past, chained to our present, and fearful of the future. There is no shame in admitting to our need for help; we owe this to ourselves, and to those with whom we share our lives.  This is now our new mission.

Spartan