Tag: relationships

Center of Gravity- Part 2

My parents are far from perfect (so am I) but they are my biggest heroes. I still admire and respect many of our national heroes (God knows there are and have been some GREAT ones) but truthfully none of those people have influenced me in the same intimate capacity.  Popular national heroes, like George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King Jr., The Wright Brothers, Helen Keller, Neil Armstrong, Jackie Robinson, and SO many more, typically influence us in grand theoretical ways. They display attributes that we desire to have ourselves. They behave in ways that we respect. They teach us lessons through their own struggles and stories. But it is the names (like Bruce and Leslie Shields; and Randy and Mary Paulson) that most people have never heard of that are actually in the trenches with us. As a former military officer I am well aware that the “cream rises to the top.” Enlisted men and women hardly get the recognition that they deserve. Their successes become their boss’s successes. Names like Patton, Eisenhower, and MacArthur are easy to remember but who can name two of their staff members or name their respected Command Sergeant’s Majors?

My point is this; some people will get recognized more than others. It’s simply a fact of life. However, we must never lose sight of reality. It was the unrecognized people who actually tossed hand grenades and manned the machine guns that truly won the day. Not the well known “face-man” alone.

The family-unit is our proverbial foot soldier. They are the “no-names, forgotten-names, and often taken-for-granted-names.’ They are the ones duking it out in close quarter combat. In present-day America, it is my opinion that, the family-unit is engaged in trench warfare of its worst kind. Bayonets are fixed and survival is on the line. If we lose this fight, if the family-unit does not survive, our source of strength will be gone. We will have lost our CoG as a nation and subsequently everything else we hold dear.

I do honestly believe that EVERYTHING we have achieved as a nation started around the fire pit, dinner table, or family room.

Where else do you learn the bedrock principles and values that carry over onto a national stage?

Beliefs like hard work, honesty, courage, self-reliance, generosity, etc. matter and are what we should aspire to achieve (or live out). These types of beliefs were not, are not, or ever will be government created or inspired things.  They are ideals and they are passed on from one generation to the next through the family-unit.

Every time we think these critical beliefs and principles are being corroded in our country, I would challenge us to also look at the status of the family-unit. I think we will find a scary correlation.

Louis devotes a lot of time to writing about his experiences as a husband and father. He openly shares his struggles at it. I appreciate his candidness. Honestly, I think parenting as become more difficult for all of us. Not just veterans.

I believe it has become more difficult for parents because it has become more difficult to be a child in this country. Children are under a burden unlike anything we have seen in the past. American children are being pressured from so many angles; by their peers, our media, schools, and parents themselves. They are expected to act like adults and make adult decisions without actually ever growing up and experiencing life. Several cultural changes have had tremendous impacts against the family-unit, especially for the parents. Financial tension in families is increased because of the status of our economy. Parents have a shorter fuse when they come home stressed. I think single parenting is the climax of this stress. Thus, the rising divorce rate affects all of us.

I felt like when I grew up (in my respected town and neighborhoods) everyone had similar values and beliefs. No matter where you went to play, the rules were pretty much the same. Almost everyone’s parents had the same standards and expectations. I don’t think this is true anymore. Not for my children and future generations anyway. Every family seems to have their own standards. Our children experience many versions of right and wrong. This is confusing to children. These changes in society are having an effect on the family-unit as a whole. Everything from how we discipline or children to how we empower them is being challenged. Old ways won’t work anymore. My parents’ “way of doing business” were simple solutions for a society with simple problems. I think it is more complicated today. I think refined solutions to parenting and efforts at preserving the family-unit are required. (Sal Severe, Ph.D. and author of “How to behave so your children will, too”)

For the sake of our children we need to get involved as veterans. We need to cope with the discomfort of all these home adversities and the times we live in. Becoming a Soldier, Airman, Seaman, or Marine means that some part of you was willing to sacrifice, take on the scary job, or do what others were too intimidated to do. Well, welcome to being a spouse and being a parent. It is scary. There are a lot of unknowns and it is not for the faint of heart. But, it is where the fight is. It is where you (all of us) are needed. Get into fight. If you want to throw some hand grenades and be a real difference maker: make dinner, do the dishes, change a diaper….

In summary, I believe that the family-unit is America’s CoG and I believe it is being threatened significantly. I have put my money where my mouth is. I have gone “Gold to Green.” I have given up my rank and status and climbed into the trenches because I believe it is important.

I believe whom parents actually were is less important than the memories and perceptions their child had of them.

I am not going to let this fight go uncontested. I hope you won’t either.

family

“The Drive”

My name is Chad.

Louis Fernandez asked if I would be willing to write some on his blog.

After deciding that I would, we both agreed an introductory segment would be the most appropriate place for me to start.

I will not spend much time talking about myself, as I assume most readers will have little concern about such things.

However, some information about myself, as well as my connections with the author of CONUS Battle Drills, maybe good for context.

I am a civilian now. Before that, I served in the United States Military for nine years.  First, as an Infantry Officer and then as a Special Forces Detachment Commander in the Army.

I am now a self-employed farmer and a stay-at-home dad.

I first met Louis in the summer of 2000.  We were both newly enrolled ROTC cadets at the University of Florida.

I had no intention of going into the military but took the course as a suggestion and recommendation from a fellow high school graduate and friend of mine.  That’s not very much important.  What is important, little did I know at the time, is that through this decision to take ROTC classes, I would be exposed to some of the most brilliant and patriotic Americans I have ever encountered.   Some of which have become my best friends.  The climax of both would be Louis Fernandez.

I have countless stories of how my life-long friendship with Louis began, developed, and endured.  I am not sure that this is the forum to tell all of those stories. Should you find me on a porch swing or around a camp fire with a beer then maybe you will be afforded the opportunity to hear such great tales.  I will simply say, for now, that Louis and I have certainly spent some formative years together and he has had a huge impact on my own life.

I do, however, want to take a brief moment to share one particular personal story (there are SO many) with all of you that I think will help paint the picture of Louis’s character (for you readers who are interested).

Louis and I graduated from the University of Florida and were commissioned as 2LTs in May of 2004.  Shortly after that we were required to report to Fort Benning, GA for the Infantry Officer Basic Course (IOBC).

To make a long story short, we loaded up our minimal personal belongings into his KIA Sephia, the day before we were suppose to report, and made the 278 mile drive from Gainesville, FL to Fort Benning, GA.

Immediately upon checking into our barracks I realized that I had forgotten not some but ALL of my military uniforms back in a closet at my previous home in Gainesville.  Our course was to commence with a formation early the next morning.

There was not enough time for me to buy or pull together replacement uniforms.  For me, there was no other option but to retrieve my forgotten uniforms.  I was both stressed and anxious to say the least.  Rather than just lend me his car (which would have been most generous in-of-itself), Louis decided to travel all the way back to Gainesville with me.
We got back into his car and we drove all way back to Florida (and then back again to Fort Benning).  All through the night we drove.

What would have been a 4.5 hour trip turned into a 14 hour trip.

 

I was exhausted and frustrated at my own stupidity.  Yet, he did not let me endure the hardship of my mistake alone.

He could have easy stayed at Fort Benning that afternoon and evening; and got the good nights rest, he deserved, before starting his first day of his new career.

His willingness to endure what I have since coined “The Drive” is a memory that I will never lose or an act of kindness that I will ever forget.

So, with the windows down at 70 mph, smoking cheap cigars, and talking about everything from money, religion, politics, and women, to stay awake, the two of us made “The Drive” together.

I chose this story, from so many, to share because it speaks volumes about who Louis is as a person.  He is fiercely loyal to his friends, family, comrades, and countrymen.  He goes above and beyond to make sure that no one is left “going it alone.”  These same attributes were so blatantly obvious to me in his book CONUS Battle Drills.  Sure, he might be abrasive when he tells you that you are an idiot (though he is probably right) but never to the extent where he is actually passing any judgment.  He has made his own mistakes.  He is not perfect.  But you can bet that he is looking out for you.  He wants to provide EVERYONE with the opportunity to learn from his own experiences and to make sure you are successful.

I can tell you, without any doubt, that Louis wants you to be ready on the day you sign in, to the extent that he will get in the car and drive you the extra mile to get you there.

-CWS




It’s Time for a Buddy System

I read a story this morning about a veteran who killed himself after his call to the VA for help went to voicemail. Besides the obvious reason for getting pissed off, I’ve been asking myself a lot lately, “what are you going to do about it?”  I’m done bitching and whining, it’s time for action.

The DOD has no idea why soldiers are killing themselves more now than ever before.  I know most of us think it’s because of the wars, but nope, there is no correlation between combat and suicide.  They are also not spending any money figuring out the cause by the way.

The point is this:  We need to band together as a veteran community and start taking care of ourselves; it’s obvious no one else is going to.  There are a lot of great organizations out there like Warrior360 and 22kill that are veteran run and really doing a lot of good, but I want to take it a step further:

I want YOU to get involved.

Here’s what you need to do:

  1. Identify a buddy, tag them in this post, or if you don’t have facebook, comment below.  This is a public declaration that they are your buddy.
  2. If you don’t have a buddy in mind, then please comment that you need a buddy and state your location and date of service.  We will find you one.
  3. You will talk to your buddy at a minimum once a week.  You will ask difficult questions about their finances, relationships, and mental state
  4. You and your buddy will answer honestly
  5. If your buddy goes into a dark place, you are the first line of defense to get him help
  6. You will take this role seriously

None of this is new to any of you, we’ve all done it before.  We are making a formal buddy assignment.

It’s time for us to band together, set up our security perimeter and watch out for each other…no one else is going to do it for us.

 

———

The Christian Soldier

Being a Christian and a soldier has its own particular set of difficulties.  Some may call you a hypocrite, and they would be right but for the wrong reasons.

You see, all of us Christians are necessarily hypocrites.  We proclaim loudly that no one should sin, yet we admit to doing it every day.  That truth holds for me as I suspect it holds for many of you, and therefore as a Christian, I am also a hypocrite.  Being a soldier, however, does not make me a hypocrite.  I can be a soldier and still live as Christ and God expect me to.

Even a cursory glance at the Bible shows that God does not punish the soldier.  Abraham conducts the first recorded night raid to rescue Lot, Saul had his thousands, David his tens of thousands.  Even in the New Testament, John doesn’t tell the repentant centurion that he must quit, and both Peter and Jesus commend Roman soldiers for their faith.

The military is very much the context under which my faith was born.  What started as a ruse to get communion bread in Ranger school resulted in my actually hearing the word of God.  Slowly I began my conversion.

Two groups that typically have larger percentages of religious belief are soldiers and the elderly.  Both groups have come to grips with their own mortality.  I realized this quickly after my first firefight when the whizz and crack of bullets all around me showed me that it was luck, or maybe grace, that one of them didn’t find me as its target.

I accepted that I was indeed going to die one day.  All of us know this intellectually, but to believe and embrace it is quite a different story.  Many people see their eventual death as they get older and their body begins to break down.  As an Infantryman I realized that it really could happen any day, not in an intellectual way, but I knew it…I felt it.

Not everyone is built to do this job.  Some hesitate in a door, some don’t fire, and some will suffer emotionally for years.  Then there are the warriors who move with no apprehension straight into the face of danger and inflict whatever violence is necessary to eradicate the threat.  I’ve come to believe that you need to be designed that way, that’s not something that can be trained or taught.

In my walk with Christ over the years I’ve met men that can preach sermons that bring you to tears, others that give me goose bumps when they pray, and other still that can make music that brings you right into the very presence of God.

Some of us were given a different skill, like Peter who didn’t hesitate to draw and cut off a Roman soldier’s ear when they tried to take Jesus, we shouldn’t hesitate when confronting evil.  Also like Peter, however, we should be willing and able to show mercy, empathy, grace, and love.

Although some evil requires action in the physical realm to eradicate, other types of evil live in man’s heart, and can only be reached with love.  One of the efforts of CONUS Battle Drills is to teach you how to quell that beast so you can find love, compassion and empathy and live it in your daily life.

Violence is a tool, but it shouldn’t be your only tool.  When you lean on Christ you will find many other tools to add to your arsenal and you will not only be able to fulfill your purpose as a warrior but also as a Christian.