veteran – Page 8 – CONUS Battle Drills

Preventing Veteran Suicide

Every day a veteran somewhere takes his life. It’s one of the most tragic circumstances and often the deaths that hit us hardest when we get that phone call.

I’ve had four friends take their lives. They all bothered me, but one in particular keeps coming to mind because he reached out to me years before and I feel like I could have done more.

Rob Kislow was a young private in my platoon when we deployed to Afghanistan in 2005. I had only been the platoon leader for a matter of weeks before we deployed, and I had been in the Army for less than a year. About a month into our deployment, our platoon was sent to support a special forces team in a rural part of Afghanistan along the Pakistan border.

My platoon was going to be split up into two separate units to run missions in the area and I took the mission that I thought was going to be the more dangerous one; I didn’t want to miss out on the action. On June 10, 2005, soldiers from Bravo company 3^rd platoon got into one of the largest firefights of that entire deployment, and I was hours away on a separate mission…on foot.

When I think of the worst days in my military career, June 10^th is always near the top of the list. I sat by the radio for hours listening to my guys get shot up, completely unable to do ANYTHING to support them. I watched as helicopters flew over my position heading to the fight, trying to find a way to get there to no avail.

The fight went on for hours, and I could hear the 9-line MEDEVAC requests come in with explosions in the background. One killed, two evacuated, several others injured but ambulatory.

SFC Victor Cervantes, a Green Beret just days away from going home, was part of the ODA team that came to join the fight in progress; he was killed by the enemy while clearing a wadi.

Rob Kislow was shot three times, once in the ankle, once in the wrist, and the third bullet penetrated his helmet and came out the other side, scraping along the back of his head. Rob saw the guy that shot him, but because the Afghan soldiers didn’t wear a uniform, he hesitated before taking a shot to avoid friendly fire, and was blasted by a burst of 7.62 from the enemy’s AK. PFC Collazo saw this and took the enemy out, thinking Kislow had been killed when he saw the helmet fly into the air. Collazo began to administer first aid and Rob was evacuated, eventually making it to Walter Reed where they determined that his leg needed to be amputated.

When we returned from the deployment, the company commander, 1SG, myself, and my platoon sergeant went to visit Kislow at Walter Reed. As soon as we walked in, Rob looked at the PSG and said, “Fuck You Sergeant!” We all froze and the big vein in the center of my PSG’s head popped out immediately, Rob continued, “You can try to smoke me all you want! I can do flutter kicks all day!” He began doing flutter kicks in his bed, the nub where his leg would have been flew up and down. We all had a good laugh, some hugs, and sat and talked with him for some time.

I don’t remember much what we talked about that day, but I do remember him calling for the nurse. He said something about “phantom pain” and “this fucking button isn’t working” referencing his medication dispenser, then yelled, “it’s a fucking TEN ok!” He seemed to be in constant pain.

I didn’t know what to do or say. I was a 23 year old kid and I had no training on how to deal with this. What did he need to hear? What could I say to help? I didn’t know, so I sat there in silence, hoping that just being there was enough.

Months later I got a call from Rob late one night. I was sitting on my couch watching TV when my phone rang. I answered chipper, but Rob was in a bad place. We talked for about an hour, most of which was me listening to him cry, “my fucking leg is gone sir! It’s fucking gone. I failed you guys. I should have been there. I came home too soon.” He repeated that over and over, and again I didn’t know what to say. I don’t remember what I said, but I remember hanging up and sitting there on my couch in silence. The TV was still on, but muted, and I thought about my friend…but I didn’t do any more.

If I had known that was the last time that I would hear Rob’s voice, I might have gotten into my car and driven the four and a half hours to Walter Reed. I was a single guy, I didn’t have much else going on in my life, I could have done it.

Rob battled with PTSD for almost seven more years after that phone call, but he never once contacted me again beyond an accepted friend request on Facebook. Two years ago I was stunned to find out that he took his life and his fiancée’s mother’s life too. I thought he was ok, I had no idea.

I’m not sure that I could have changed anything if I had been more involved, but because I wasn’t, that thought remains in my mind. It’s the reason I’ve made an effort to get back in touch with my old buddies. It’s why I have asked you to do the same, and it’s why I started this endeavor.

All the time, money, and effort put into making CONUS Battle Drills happen will be worthwhile if we can keep even ONE guy from taking his life. If I can help a guy through the stressful transition time to start a career, bolster his relationship with his wife, and connect with his children, maybe I can show them there’s hope after all. Maybe I can make it easier to take the time to deal with the demons in his mind. If nothing else, maybe I can show him that he’s not alone, there are millions of us out there that will call him brother.

So if you are reading this, get in touch with someone and let them know you’re there. It will be good for both of you, and if you have had suicidal thoughts, please call the number below and get help. Life is worth it, it’s beautiful, and you shouldn’t miss out.

1-800-273-8255

-LJF

Writing Your Resume

Alright, so you’ve answered the 4 Big questions and now your finances are in order and you know how much you need to make when you get out, you’ve decided on a location to live (fully knowing the tradeoff), you are clear on why you’re getting out, and you know what type of career you want to pursue. The last one is the most important for this next step- Writing your resume.

There are two types of military resumes that i’ve seen. Either the 5-10 page dissertation, or the 90 word crayon scribble with “Lorem Ipsum” still on it somewhere. “What’s wrong with a 5 page resume,” you ask? Read on, i’ll explain.

If you’re the second type, go smoke yourself, you’re not emotionally ready to get out of the Army. I’m sorry if the first sergeant yelled at you and now your feelings are hurt and you want to get out, but you’re not ready to be a big boy and market yourself. You still need the structure the Army provides and it’s the only place you stand a chance of getting a good salary and a retirement. It’s for your own good, you’ve got that brand new Camaro that still needs paid off.

Your resume is your key to a job and if you don’t take it seriously, neither will a recruiter. It’s the document that is going to get you into an interview room and the first step in getting that job.

Researchers at theladders.com found that recruiters spend 6 seconds looking at your resume. Six seconds. That’s how much time you have to make an impression. Here’s what they’re looking at:

Here is some advice on how to visually organize your resume.

Alright, for those of you that are serious about getting a good job, take a look at your resume, does it have something like this on it?

“Lead and train a 35 man airborne infantry platoon…responsible for $1,000,000 worth of equipment…fight and win.”

Yeah, me too at first. My resume was five pages that described literally every single junior military officer that had ever served in the 82nd Airborne division. Your resume needs to be about you and your skills, not about the Army’s definition of your job title.

In the 4 big questions, you identified what career you want, and I told you that “lead people” is an option. When I first got out, I didn’t know what I wanted to do, but I knew that I wanted leadership role, so with the help and advice of my headhunter, I revised my resume to focus on my leadership skills. Instead of that long ass job description, I replaced that entire text with something I did, specifically.

STAR- I’ll talk about this more in a later post, but everything from your interview answers to your resume bullets need to be in a STAR format- Situation, Task, Action, Result. Take this bullet for example

As my unit prepared to come home, I created the transition plan for 500 soldiers in southern Iraq to include branches and contingencies resulting in zero casualties during the most dangerous time in a deployment.

Can you find the STAR in it? In 35 words I explained something that I actually did, and since I was applying for a program manager position that requires planning capabilities, this bullet particularly resonated. If I was applying for a leadership position, I would say something like, “lead a team that created the plan”. Both are true, but they are targeted at the job. Later when I talked about that in my interview, it helped make an impression on my interviewer and they remembered me later.

So now go back and look at your resume. Read what you have on there and ask yourself, “does this apply to me, or everyone like me?” If it doesn’t apply to JUST YOU, delete it, you don’t need that crap.

If you’re retiring you get 2 pages for your resume, everyone else, you get one…that’s right ONE page. Your entire career to this point needs to be in one well organized, clean, easy to read, mistake free page.

Your most recent job is first and you get 3 bullets for it, explain what YOU did. Every other job gets two bullets max.

Job Descriptions- If your jobs say something like this:

Assistant G2 Plans and OPS 20th SUPCOM CBRNE May-2009 to May 2010, you need to change that shit. No one in the civilian world understands what the hell that is, heck half of the guys in the military don’t know what that is.

Instead highlight the skills in the job description

Division level Intelligence Planner, Worldwide Counter WMD May 2009 to May 2010, same job, but now it tells a story. Also notice that since I was applying for a job that requires planning ability that I brought that part of the job into focus.

This isn’t an easy task, and you’re going to need several go’s at it before you have something ready to show to your headhunter…and i’ll talk about getting a headhunter later…right now you have to go work on your resume.

Comment here or contact me if you have specific questions and want honest feedback.

The 4 Big Questions- Career

Do you know what you want to do when you get out?

This is something I didn’t know, I wanted to remain open to as many career possibilities as possible, and to be frank, I really didn’t know what I wanted to be when I grew up; heck, I still don’t know. I don’t want you to decide to do something that you’re comfortable with unless that really is your passion.

“Well, I’m an MP, so I guess I’ll be a cop.”

No. Stop that shit. Do you want to be a cop? If the answer is no, then don’t just blindly do something because it was your MOS. Look, I was an infantryman (11A) and an MI officer (35D), since I got out I’ve been an assembly line supervisor, marketing manager, and now I’m a program manager. Luckily this is one area that I didn’t listen to those doom sayers. Just because I had a TS/SCI didn’t mean that the best opportunity for me was to work as a DOD civilian. I didn’t want to sit around in a SCIF reading intel reports.

A headhunter is a great resource here. Be honest, if you don’t know what you want to do, but you’re articulate and you know how to spell, then there’s a really good likelihood that he’s going to be able to find you a job that pays about as much as you make now.

I know you want to make more than you make now. That’ll come, and we’ll talk about it later, but we need to manage some expectations. You’re starting at the bottom again and no one cares that you were a first sergeant or a company commander. What’s your first name? That’s who you are now; I became Louis, the ex-army guy with no experience. The truth is, you don’t know how the real world runs, but that’s ok. You bring a special set of skills that are highly sought after and I’m going to teach you how to use them, but before we get into that, answer these four questions.

You’re about to make a major life changing decision and you need to check your static line. By the way “lead people” is an option.

-LJF

The 4 Big Questions- Location

Do you know what location you want to live in?

Determining a location is quite difficult because there are tradeoffs to what decision you make. If you decide to be geographically mobile, it will be easier to find a job, but you could end up far away from where you really want to be. If you limit yourself to a particular city, you could be looking for a job for years.

Not only was I in the Army, but I was a Navy brat, so I’ve always moved around. When it came time to get out, my wife and I talked about location a bit. I knew that if I was open geographically to living and working anywhere, that my chances for getting a job where much better. So I think I talked my wife into agreeing to live anywhere.

It only took 12 months in Ottumwa, Iowa, a town of 30,000 people in the middle of nowhere with blazing hot summers and -50 degree windchills in the winter, for my wife to change that tune. Living anywhere no longer became acceptable. Living 90 minutes from the nearest airport was also unacceptable. We found out we’re city folk, and we like malls and shops and eating out and being near a big airport. So we have now agreed that we will retire in her hometown of Tucson, Arizona. In the meantime, we will try to get there.

If we had been honest with each other in the beginning, and if we hadn’t been scared into accepting the first job offer we got, I don’t think we would have ended up in Iowa. We were effectively scared by the command staff as I was getting out, and I knew that my best chances of finding a job were if I was ok with living anywhere geographically. So I made the decision to accept pretty much any geographical location if the job paid well.

So this is an area where you need to consider a tradeoff. If you limit yourself geographically, you’re going to lose out on a lot of job opportunities. So consider this carefully and understand that you might be looking for a job for a long time if you are unwilling to move from your current city. If it is really important for you to be close to home, but you also need a job in a hurry, consider a larger geographical area like the Midwest, Southeast, Southwest, Northeast. You might want to be near family in Florida, consider whether Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, etc. are all options.

If I had started by focusing my search in the Southwest, we would have had many opportunities, and at the same time been closer to home and that would have probably been a better tradeoff. This is not an easy decision, and if you are firm that you refuse to move, understand that I’m not exaggerating when I say it could be years before you find a job.

I’m glad things have turned out the way they have, however. We made the best out of that location, and we met some awesome people. Plus I got a job with a really awesome company, and if I hadn’t considered the Midwest, Deere would definitely not have been on my list.

-LJF

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